As our regular readers know, our law office is located in Spartanburg, SC. However, we maintain working relationships with family law attorneys all across the country. Occasionally, we will publish guest posts on our blog from some of them, such as the following from Texas family law attorney Scott Morgan:
When you have children, divorce is both an end and a beginning. The day the judge tells you that you are no longer husband and wife, you and your spouse become co-parents. A co-parent’s job isn’t easy, but it is critical to help your children adjust to post-divorce life.
As a divorce lawyer for nearly two decades I have seen clients who have had excellent post-divorce co-parenting relationships with their ex and I have seen the opposite end of the spectrum as well. The latter tend to become clients again as bad post-divorce relationships and post-divorce litigation go hand in hand. Here are my tips on how to most effectively manage your co-parenting relationship with your ex.
Tip #1: Communicate with the Other Parent
If there is one thing that is crucial to a co-parenting relationship, it’s communication. Try to think back to the days when you were happily married and your looked forward to sharing the details of your children’s days. Even though your marriage is over, the need to share information about your children is still present; perhaps even more so now that you live in different households. Whether you communicate best by email, phone or handwritten notes find a language you can still speak with your partner-in-parenting and use it often. Share important dates, events, and conversations. Ask about potential scheduling conflicts. Talk about the best ways to meet your children’s needs. Open lines of communication will help you keep the focus where it belongs, on your children.
Tip #2: R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Your children didn’t choose their parents, you did. Now you need to keep in mind that anything you say negatively about the other parent impacts your child. Don’t disparage your ex in front of your child, period. Respecting your co-parent also means you’ll need to follow through with whatever agreements you make. If you promise to be somewhere at a certain time, be there. If you agree to alternate holidays, live up to your agreement and alternate them. Give plenty of notice for a change in schedules. Don’t spring any significant news on your ex at the last minute. Let them know in the same manner and with the same time to process as you would like. Hopefully you will receive respect in proportion to the amount you give.
Tip #3: Focus on the Positives with Your Children
Following your divorce, your kids might feel like their lives are filled with one bad change after another. Work with your ex-spouse to show the children the perks of their new situation. Focus on the positives like one-on-one time. Work with your ex to set consistent rules so your children know what to expect in each home. Make sure your kids know you want them to be happy when they are with the other parent.
Tip #4: Leave your Emotions out of Discussions
Just like your children didn’t choose their parents, they didn’t choose for their parents to get divorced. Don’t let your pain from the divorce get in the way of a functioning co-parenting relationship. Put your kids and their needs first. If you find yourself having a hard time with this try to treat the situation as you would if you were dealing with a difficult co-worker and do what is necessary to get the job done.
Co-parenting is key to raising well-adjusted children. Your children will learn so much from the way you interact with your former spouse. Effective co-parenting won’t always be easy, but it will always be worth it.
About the Author: Scott Morgan is a board certified Texas family law attorney and founder of the Morgan Law Firm which has offices in Austin and Houston. Visit the firms websites at houstondivorce.com and morganlawaustin.com for additional divorce articles and videos.